WHY SUFFERING MATTERS! KVETCH AND REJOICE!
"We're not here to act like everything is super and as if My Little Pony's are coming out of our asses. Life is hard. It's full of problems and issues but see, those things drive us to hope.
Life is a blending of accepting what life is and looking to the horizon for more life. Kvetch away, but effectively kvetch about the right things." ~MCB
The reason anyone wants to work with me is because I live to answer one question:
1) Why the fuck are we here? What is the purpose of our lives?
Okay, two questions but you get what I'm saying. Do you? Do you like me and see me and am I validated in your eyes?
Ah! See that? That's my shit! Right there. Those are the sneaky thoughts that comes up in my mind unless I am conscious and awake.
The big answers to life are complex and come slowly. There are no quick fixes.
Life is complex by design.
But one thing I know for sure is that suffering is the pathway to happiness we're all looking for. Our life isn't about running away from suffering, but to dive right into that motherfucker and wait for the answers which DO COME if we surrender to what is.
A little video below for you on this (and more amazing words after the video - well, I aim to make them amazing but the jury is out on that one):
The key for all us is to so see how our thoughts exasperate our suffering.
Because they always do. We are either in this moment now - accepting it as is, kicking and screaming and throwing our little hissy fits during - warranted hissy fits mind you - but hissy fits that take away being here in the present moment making decisions, being committed to our lives and saying focused.
Or not. Do drugs. Drink. Buy hookers. I don't recommend it. It's expensive and Dr. Drew is pricey.
Most often we think thoughts like this when the going is rough:
Why am I not doing what it is I know I should be doing? What am I afraid of? Why can't I bloody get it together?
Why are donuts fattening? Does God not partake of trans-fats?
Why can't I feel how good my life is right NOW? Why is it so hard to take in the good? Am I lazy? (Yes, to the last part. So sorry).
We are so hard on ourselves. We privately smack talk ourselves, we ride ourselves. We are horrible to ourselves. And we know where we got that from, yes?
No, not from all of the trash television we watched as children (although I suspect that had something to do with it) but from those fucking childhood moments where the younger version of ourselves were frightened and didn't feel protected.
Yes, from Whatever We Call Our Parents.
It is absolutely true life is not meant to be endless suffering, but it is also true suffering is meant to remind us it's up to us to focus and define the life we want.
Our jobs, our lovers, our surroundings right now are challenging us to not react to them, but to choose how we react to them and come back to the present moment.
I felt schizo when I started to really get this idea of dropping thoughts. Not attaching. I was here, then in my head. Then here. Then in my head. Then focusing on the present moment. Then eating cookies. Then taking fiber tables. Then present moment again.
The flow of re-orientating ourselves to now, working with now, feeling when the right timing is to take action is the great process of an effective and inspired life.
We can be present by focusing on a physical object in front of us. By putting our phones away and looking at the sky. By asking the question "Who am I?"
BY FUCKING MEDITATING.
Sorry, that comes out sometimes. What I have to do to get people to meditate is unreal. I get it. I fought it for years. I know me asking people to sit on their ass for 15 minutes a day and feel amazing bliss and like they smoked a blunt without smoking a blunt so they can feel the inherent joy in life is a LOT to ask.
I get it. (No I don't). Yes I do. (No. I really don't).
Appreciating the ups and downs in life can be learned. But we must be willing to devote our lives to this process or live a life of 'shoulda, woulda, coulda.' That really should be the name of a new rock band. They'd make a fortune.
I ask people everywhere I meet, "Who does your face? Because you look fabulous."
No, I don't ask them THAT (I'm kinda lying - I do). What I do ask them is, "How do you make sense of it? How do you get by when the getting by is biting you in the ass?"
Suffering is mitigated when we don't put on the 'help me coach/shrink/weed/booze/hooker' radar when life kicks us in the tits and/or nuts, but when we put on the 'I fucking love my life right now' when it's good.
We can make sense of the darkness if we take in when it's good. When we look at our couch and say "I love that couch." When we look at our dog and say "I love my dog." When we look at our cat - okay, forget the cat. So sorry but I know many millions love their cats, but they remind me of my elusive mother so dogs it is for me.
Take control of directing your attention to go what's working when it's working. Milk the fuck out of things when they go well.
That sets the stage for the sweet understanding of the difficult times. Because there is a reason.
It's the ideal time to eat donuts and not feel any guilt at all. Okay, a little guilt is good so you don't have to take blood pressure meds and die an unhappy corpse. Let's not get crazy here.