That thing about asking for help not HELP!!
Well hello there! So good to see you again!
Glad you made it over to our fancy schmancy website. We love it here. It’s warm and fuzzy. Like a warm blanket on a cold af day. Like a a/c set at a perfect 66 degrees on a humid afternoon. We’re your happy place if you’re happy place is a place where we talk about all the crap you think is making your life hard and you’re ready to hear how it’s challenging you to take control and allow in all the good stuff that’s coming.
Because a lot of good stuff is coming It is.
If you read our sweet ass newsletter about asking for help then you’ll get what we’re gonna dive into a bit more here. But we’ll be as brief as we can since we know you’ve got things to do. Bills to pay, kids to raise, bosses to blame for your lack of peace of mind. #ClearingOfMyThroat
Asking for help was the theme of the newsletter that (we hope) linked you here. And as I wrote back on that super duper newsletter (if you haven’t subscribed you should - it’s dope) we have to know who to ask for help from. it’s not asking for help that matters. Because the truth of the matter is most people who give advice give advice because they tell you what they would do if they were you and honesty, that’s no help.
They mean well, but…
Which is why I have a few guidelines for asking for help:
Careful with friends. Why? Because they have lots of baggage with you. They love you, the care about you, they want the best for you and their worries, fears and shit will come up if you ask them for help. So…tread with an open heart. Also, many friends will feel that funny thing called ‘obligation’ if you ask them for help beyond ‘cheer me up!’ We normally only have a few friends we can really ask for help from and even those we want to check in with our gut and say, Do I really want to call Sally? Really?
The Internet is not your friend when asking for help. Why? Because we do something which shoots us in the foot every single time: we’re looking empathy. Blech. Yuck. Sorry to be blunt but that’s icky and gross. Why? Because when we ask for help on the Internet most often we’re complaining and in a place of needy unaligned disempowerment. Rarely works. There is compassion and empathy. The Internet is about empathy. We want compassion which is egoless and forward thinking which is not where most people are when we ask them for help when we’re having hard time.
I”m gonna write this once and for some of you this will fly, some will think I’m on drugs. I’m not. I’ve done a lot, but Mikey is so boring now my favorite high is espresso and even that I gotta drink in moderation. Don’t go to family. Just don’t. Are there a few you can reach out to? Sure. Of course. Some of us have That One. And when it comes to family people either can hear what I’m saying or turn me right off because FAMILY IS SO EMOTIONAL. Why do you most often not want to ask them for help? Because you are THE SON and THE DAUGHTER and THE SIBLING and most people have a tone ‘o baggage about that and can’t give you guidance without their worry laced in there. Recipe for some backsliding if there ever was.
What you want to do:
Find a pro. Find a person who is not emotionally connected to you. Whose DM you don’t slide into asking for advice or help. Who you pay. Yes, pay. Why? Because anyone who you pay is there for one reason and one reason only: Your Joy. Your Peace of Mind. Your Emotional Well-Being. Yes, I made those nouns.
And when you hire them, listen to your gut. Ask yourself, Is this person going to challenge me in a way that works for me?
A lot of people who hire me are surprised at how fast and furious I am. I like to spar. I like to get into it. I’m intense and that’s my style. Why? I don’t wanna waste people’s time or money. It’s one part who I am, one part the New Yorker I am. I’m too intense for some - for most that get a load of me I’m what they have fondly termed their personal Goldilicks. Just right. I’ve been called a lot of things, but that one took the cake and ice cream as well.
Asking for a pro to help us is, of course, paramount to our happiness, joy, success and good skin. We can’t do it alone. We can’t because we don’t want to. That’s what we want to remember. The balance is being self-reliant and then also asking for help from others who help us become self-reliant. That is the what we want at the end of the day. People who see us for who we really are. Who can see our future as clear as they see the bagel in their hand. Because when we are in the midst of shit we can’t see the horizon and we need that clear, direct voice saying, There! It’s there! Now come on! Let’s go ride off into the sunset together as we clash and fling off the endless bad guys/gals/people coming at us!
For me there is nothing more enjoyable than seeing the look on someones face when they see themselves as I know them. It’s a brilliant moment. The skies part, the sun shines down and we all dance a happy jig. Sometimes quite literally.
As Ms. Wise Keller once said, life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all. The adventure is what we all want and how boring would it be to do it without physical in our lives saying, Damn you look good in your joy and success. You wear it well.