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I wore a little special somethin' as i wrote this blog post. Just for you.
So welcome.
Welcome to your secret code to a fast pass over the next 10 years of therapy.
Ready for it? This is the 6-word code:
DON'T. BE. A. DICK. TO. YOURSELF.
Super simple to remember; not so super to do. Why?
Because life is challenging. People are annoying. Jobs, bosses, kids, carpools, the weather, iTunes, business managers, agents, accountants - they're all annoying and they're what's holding us back from enjoying our lives.
Or are they?
I know. Super Life Coachy of me. But follow the bouncing Xanax here. This is good stuff.
Inside of each of us is a little kid. It's us, when we were 3 or 4 or even 5. That little kid is always there running the show.
When we get pissed at someone in a business deal or when we want to slug the waiter at the restaurant or when we feel disrespected or unloved it's that kid that's running the show, not us as adults.
Crazy, huh?
The inner kid is the one one want to spend time with. Love and accepted. We want to go full on crazy and have open conversations with that kid. Literally talk to that kid inside of you. Have full-on dialogues.
Maybe not out loud in public. At home would be wise. Talk to them. Ask them what they need. And then do the funky part.
LISTEN. Because if you LISTEN they'll tell you what they need. They will. You are the adult, not them. You are the one who is there to nurture and love and care for them.
When we have an active relationship with that kid on a daily basis we can get over any trauma in any form.
I know what I'm talking about.
I was an abused kid. For years. A sex worker at age 12.
Fun post, huh?
When I saw little Mike and asked him how I could help him my healing accelerated at a rapid pace. But before I did that I had to get my shit together and find an even balanced way of living before I had the courage to go there.
Feelings can suck. They can feel overwhelming but they are only feelings and we are in control of them. Especially when we realize they are the feelings of our tiny, hrut selves and NOT us today as adults.
When we learn how to take control and heal the younger version of ourselves inside of us we then heal past generations of hurt and pain in our mothers and father and their mother and their father.
The chain in pain is a real thing. It's possible to heal it and it's possible to move ahead.
If we don't address it - accept it, feel it from a stance of present moment awareness - we never really heal. We never truly come to a place of rebirth and clarity
If you didn't fight your true feelings so much, and surrendered to them, you'd experience the realization that all you have control over is what you surrender to and what you then focus on.
You have control over three things: your attention to your thoughts, your focus and then your actions.
That's it. That's the order.
If you were aware that nothing NOW is neither good nor bad - it simply is and it's your attention to the thoughts about it that immobilizes you you'd get off your ass more and create solutions.
Oh, and those pesky things called emotions? The things that remind you if you are focusing on listening to your thoughts, or focusing on what you know you want?
Therapy is designed to guide you through a tour of all your past regrets and childhood messes, and while that is good to do, it's not necessary to the degree we think it is.
The old therapy paradigm is over.
Stop. Listening. To. Your. Thoughts. PLEASE.
The new paradigm of consciousness, awareness and focus on what we want brings us the stability and courage to face the old stuff which we do consciously and with deliberate intent in the present moment so we aren't sucked into the past.
We can't be a dick to ourselves when we're present, and if we're present we can't be a dick to other people.
Embrace that little kid. Talk to him or her. Take them to the beach. Go surfing with them. Take them everywhere. See them trusting you and loving how much you love them.
Much love and peace to you.